Lessons From a Crochet Hook

trusting the process

Fabric arts are often associated with grandmothers— sorry. At least for me, they used to be. Lately, there has been an upturn in the fabric arts seen on TikTok and Instagram, with young people knitting two-piece sets and crocheting the cutest little animals. Yet, I grew up with the notion of Grammy sitting with her needles. My grandma used to knit, crochet, embroider, sew, basketweave- you name it, she did it. At Christmas, she would bring a big department store bag of hats, scarves, and quilts that she made for the family. She was a true Renaissance woman. I was interested in these arts, but with all my kid logic, I just thought these were skills one picks up in their older years.

About three years ago, I decided I wanted to learn how to knit. I bought the needles and had a bunch of yarn from my grandma. My boyfriend, Nick, was going to learn with me. We gripped our needles excitedly and watched about five videos before hitting a natural stopping point. Pathetic, I know, but I couldn’t even get one stitch. I knew the best way to learn would be to sit down with someone who could teach me. So, for the past couple of years, this has been rattling around in my mind. Every now and then, I would mention it to someone, hoping maybe they could teach me, but it is not often you choose to sit down with a friend and knit. Also, I don’t really know many people who know how to knit.

Fairly recently, I was talking to Nick’s sister, Alex. She offhandedly mentioned she knows how to crochet. Gasp. I eagerly shared that I’ve been dying to learn one of those fabric arts to keep my hands busy—idle hands and all that noise. She offered to teach me, and the rest is history.

Not total history because this has been quite the process. We sat down for a lesson about a month ago. Alex asked me what I wanted to make first. In what I believed to be standard fabric arts practices, I said a scarf. She told me that was boring, so we settled on a skirt.

There were immediate obstacles. The way I held the hook was wrong because I am left-handed and perpetually backward; the way I wrapped the yarn around my hand was strange because it was a new and unique feeling, and I couldn’t seem to keep the hook in the loop. The only way to fix those is to keep doing it. Everything gets a little more familiar the more you work through it.

I did my starting chain, but it looked weird, so I took it out and started over.

Once I mastered the chain, I started on my skirt with what I believed to be a double crochet stitch. Alex said she was teaching me single, not double, but I misremembered. So when I went to practice on my own and refresh my memory on the stitch, my skirt started to look a little weird. Then, for reasons still unknown to me, it started to shrink. At this point, I was not even a quarter of the way in.

A few days later, I was crocheting at home and talking to my parents. My dad observed my progress and I shared I thought it was shrinking. I told him I didn’t know if I should go with it. He said if he were in my shoes, he would probably want to walk away with a skirt that is wearable, one to be proud of. It was clear that he was right. I didn’t want to put so much time and energy into learning a new skill just to be discouraged if my first project didn’t turn out quite right.

So, I started over.

Except I hadn’t yet learned that I was supposed to be doing a single crochet, and I hadn’t figured out why it was shrinking. After some progress, I showed my skirt to Alex for a check-in; she didn’t know why my skirt was shrinking either. We discussed me maybe making two or three panels and then connecting them, but I decided against this. It was clear I was doing something wrong, and I had to get to the bottom of it. I couldn’t just work around the problem; I needed a long-term solution. That long-term solution was checking my work to make sure I actually knew what I was doing.

It was humbling to go back and watch videos, learning I was entirely incorrect and lost a week and a half of skirt progress because I thought I had the answers. I was too confident as a beginner. Clearly, I was open to critique and wanted to learn, but I did not want to be wrong. Learning anything new, skill or information, there is a learning curve. You have to open up to the possibility that what you knew or the way you initially approached something was incorrect. When learning, you don’t automatically know everything. There is a process. Especially with something like crochet. You don’t pick up a hook and learn one stitch and know everything. There will be questions as you work through a project and you will want to learn different types of stitches. Approach learning with confidence, sure, but also humility and an open mind because the only way to improve is to accept your shortcomings and push yourself to do better.

After this restart and re-gathering of knowledge, I humbly showed Alex my skirt. It was the right size and everything. She was shocked. My skirt was on track. I sorted out the shrinkage but was still doing a double crochet. While this is not a big deal, she shared, I would be a little disappointed if I made a whole skirt of double crochet because the stitches would be a little hole-ier, leaving my skirt to be more revealing than I wanted. However, the stitches were cleaner and more uniform. Improvements were made, so I will take that win.

Alex said this version of the skirt was workable. And truly, if it hadn’t been for my conversation with my dad a few days earlier, I probably would have just rocked with it. But I wanted to be proud of what I made and wear a skirt that looked right and was the way I saw it in my head… so I restarted one more time.

I am relieved to share that this was it. I am proud of what I am doing. My skirt is so clearly right, and crocheting feels like something I could do all the time. I’m hooked. With every row I complete, I am more confident and comfortable.

In this project, I have accepted that I am just going to keep learning. There is so much potential and I am so excited for what I do next. I just have to finish this damn skirt.

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